Anxious ? I’m afraid I am, is that alright?

Not all of us are fretful, but an awful lot of people I know seem to be, I have to raise my hand here I know I get anxious and can make things difficult for those around me as a result.

Anxiety can be contagious, as I say if I’m having a wobble I see others feeling uneasy and it goes through the room like a Mexican wave. So what is the antidote, why are we (anxious people) so alert like a wired antenna, ready to pick up any wobbly vibes! How can we dim the receiver without dulling our other senses? When do we become these jittery beings are we born that way or does someone creep up on us and twiddle our knobs, so to speak.

I certainly wasn’t born anxious. I have been an extremely able and apparently confident person, a multi tasking, controlling, know it all. There was a time when I felt almost “bomb proof” As direct and focussed as an Exocet missile, prepared to make decisions when others floundered! Did I experience any anxieties early on in adulthood then? Increasingly, yes, but not initially, not in that first flush of sureness.

All these anxious folk seem to be women of a certain age. For me and my similarly aged girlfriends, we all seem to be afraid of offending anyone now. We want to “check out “we weren’t taken the wrong way. We worry about being early (waiting alone) we worry about being late,(leaving friends waiting alone). We worry about not feeling like”it”, we worry about not being asked for “it” even when we don’t want “it”. We worry about our children, even though they are older than us when we became parents!  You name it we worry about it.

When and why did this change occur, people used to call me a “ballbuster” not a term I am particularly proud of. It was in the area of work you understand, I wouldn’t take no for an answer, nothing was impossible tra la la and so on. Who was that women?. I don’t want to be her anymore anyway, but I could do with some of her backbone. Life happens and doubts creep in, the energy required to keep on top of your game starts to sap. Your priorities change, more towards family life but the demands stay the same. The conflicts and guilt grows and at some point around 40 or so there is an explosion. What do you do then?  You learn from experience and try to find the real you, its cliché but its true because the “exocet” is just a shield, a coping strategy. I wish somebody could have stopped me before I had a meltdown and helped me. .But everyone, including me thought I was invincible. So for those struggling at the moment take a long hard look at how you do things, soften, be humble, be kind. It’s a hard world out there but you really don’t have to cover yourself with a hard shell. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. In the long run it will be easier than turn into a jittering mess. I’m not so bad now but I’ve had my moments something that really struck a cord with me was ten tips to reduce anxiety on the blog of Green fingers fights fatigue, follow the link

http://greengirlfightsfatigue.com.au/10-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-and-depression-to-manage-chronic-fatigue-cfsme/

This is aimed at those experiencing chronic fatigue, anxiety and depression. But don’t be put off if you are not experiencing any of these symptoms. The advice can also be proactive methods to stay well, so have a look. I particularly like item 9, avoiding stressful situations. If you are up to your armpits in a demanding career you can say “oh yeah, that’s going to happen” But if you continue in a world that is toxic you will get poisoned so you  must take protective measures and bring balance into your life even though it takes energy, you don’t feel you have. The people you allow into your life, is a huge factor too, some people can restore you others leave you feeling empty, you know radiators or drains. Avoid those that drain you and gravitate towards those who radiate warmth and positivity.

So what if, like me you hit the wall and need to pull yourself up from the bootstraps. Seek help, that’s hard if you have always been seen as “strong”, but do it. Talk, talk to your loved ones, talk to your GP, whether you take medicine or not consider doing something, you find healing. Talk and listen, be aware you are not on your own.. Start thinking, about others too, they may be finding it difficult, stay calm, tap into your inner strength.

“If you want others to be happy practice compassion. If you want to be happy practice compassions”

Spiritual quote by the Dalai Lama.

Alison X