I talked about my over reaching experience, which resulted in falling off and hurting my back, in one of my previous blogs “catch 22.”I have had a lesson since and thought I could draw a line and move on, but no.
I did see my Doctor about my back and he identified a lack of flexion in my lower back and advised a combination of pain killers and exercises to increase mobility. He also encouraged me to get riding again as soon as possible. My husband said I must of misheard him and looked at me suspiciously, no I assured him, the doctor wants me to ride honestly. I promised Phil I would be careful and not overdo it. At that he smiled knowingly and gave me a hug ”take it easy.” I honestly intended to be sensible.
As it was I was on my faithful Flair and felt very safe, ahh great. The weather was great too so everything was hunky dory. (See photo the fabulous safe and sound Flair, my schoolmistress)
I had no choice about taking it easy , not too bad in trot but as I cantered I could feel a stiffness in my back and couldn’t really ride with my seat. I was gripping with my knees and couldn’t “pulse “ with my leg , oh get me, with my technical jargon. But I could feel myself lifting out of the saddle as if I would go pop. So I stopped cantering and concentrated on my trot, flexing and generally trying to ease my lower back. And enjoy being on Flair.
The realisation of what I had done and what could have happened hit me as I discussed care of my back with my instructor. She is so careful about how she introduces new challenges for me, the choice of horse everything and I go and screw it up by being impatient. Going off into the sunset on some random ex racehorse and being caught off guard.
How can you get to my age and still be so reckless and immature? I had been feeling unwell with my back, with my ME/CFS and the flood gates opened. I want to be good so much I try too hard. I cried like a baby how embarrassing and now I am telling everyone! I couldn’t write for a few days I was so raw and wobbly. My emotions were all over the place.
I sound like a right flaky weirdo getting so worked up about my hobby? Its supposed to be fun right? Its not that though its not that simple, riding, learning, pushing myself trusting other people respecting other people, loyalty judgement success and failure. Its about life how I relate to myself, others and how I try to grow and that very basic requirement, how to pick yourself up and start again.
OK I started over, but not quite I’ve had a cry, “fessed up “ (to everyone) made my apologise, now I must get over it repeat after me (to myself) “I was a muppet, I’ve survived, its not the end of the world, I wont do it again, end of”
Love Alison x
Its surprising how easy it is to overhorse yourself. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for trying to achieve, I have met way to many riders who are happy with their level and have no desire to be able to become a better rider or to work with less than perfect horses. Its just trying to find the level of what is challenging enough to help you improve, but what is not dangerous. I couldn't tell you what my level is at, I'm still trying to find it. Keep riding at where your comfortable but you're still learning. That should be the happy place. =)
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