Raising Awareness:Means Being Aware

At last technology is starting to work in the favour of good people trying to protect children. We are starting to get the message out  regarding the epidemic proportions of child abuse be it at home or abroad, the information about figures and the damage is being communicated with a click or a tweet. People are having to be disillusioned that it’s not some anonymous “boggy man” or woman? Who hides in wait in an alley way or in a car, in “dodgy dark places? It happens to children in all communities across social strata and religions and that most abusers are known to the children. That the abuser is trusted with the care of the child and that the majority of cases of abuse start before children are 4 years old. Before they have the benefit of asking for help.

So now technology is being used for good?  We good people are passing on this important and to some startling information, with just a “click.”

 This is a good step in the right direction, but it doesn’t stop with a “click”. We have to read this information and pause and consider what this means to us in our daily life. What responsibility does this now leave us with. Is it starting to feel a bit heavy now, this knowledge, this knowledge that has to stay with you and change how you think, it can’t be dispersed with a “click”.

We now have to look around and think about all the children that live in our house, apartment block or street. Visit our parks and hang around the shops. These are the children this is about. Not some poor little unseen child in another block another street another country. They live next door to someone you know, even if it’s not the other side of the wall. It may be that house up the lane, or on top of the hill.

These networks we are creating need to be aware that we don’t enable the very people intent on wheedling their way into the lives of children, in order to abuse them.  The difficulty is that good well meaning people, believe it or not look very much like paedophiles. We are human these awful human beings don’t have a tattoo on their forehead or a unique identifying mark. We can’t tell the difference I am afraid. The sexual predator can spot a struggling parent at a 1000 paces and knows exactly how to groom them to gain access to their children. They will be charm personified helpful, manipulative and make them wonder how they ever did without them. The emotional bully or violent abuser can use equally effective coping strategies to cover their tracks. As we carry this new responsibility of looking out for children, everywhere and make it easier for them to seek refuge. Be aware these abusers are already amongst us, they know what we know and they can slip seamlessly into the “protector” role.  Be careful, be aware and be prepared to act.

Alison

Advice- Cheap or Priceless?

I like to fix things, give me a problem and I become fixated on it until I find a solution. I am not alone, I know others share my predilection, for meddling.  It also has a lot to do with being competitive. I like to be right and if someone’s getting it wrong this affords me with a tempting opportunity to show just how right I can be. Not just right though, I can flaunt all my other abilities, creativity, knowledge, experience, tolerance understanding the list is endless. Its not all about me because I do like to think one of my other attributes is that I care, but giving advice is I am afraid fundamentally a chance to show off and be “Peter Perfect” for a while.

It’s a soothing occupation because while you address the gaping hole in someone else’s bucket, you forget to stem the leaking tap of your own life. So it’s a distraction too! I never realised giving advice was so complicated.

Here’s a bit of advice, I can’t help myself, never offer it, without it being asked for first. Do you see how hard it is for me, I know this is wise and yet I go against my own advice in a heartbeat.

Could there ever be an occasion when advice should be administered like first aid, without the casualty calling for help! Is there an equivalent scenario, in advice giving terms,, of pulling a suicidal person off a railway track out of the path of an oncoming train. Do we have a responsibility to “save” people from themselves and if we do what then?

I used to think it was a Chinese proverb that if you saved someone’s life you were then responsible for them, for ever! Or conversely they owed you. I have “googled” it and there doesn’t seem to be a clear source for either school of thought. It does however highlight the dilemma of, “poking your oar in” wanted or otherwise. For if you do offer advice, at the request of a poor misguided friend and by taking it their life goes horribly wrong, are you to blame? Certainly the argument of your culpability is stronger if you force your opinions onto someone and convince them to change their course. It’s a minefield I’m telling you.

I have reflected on my egotistical compulsion to handout advice “willy nilly” like some agony aunt and concluded, even with my many pertinent attributes, its probably best I stop. Maintain a dignified silence and if someone insists consider pointing them in the direction of Buddhist teaching and particularly

 

 Advice from Atisha's Heart

"How wonderful!

Friends, since you already have great knowledge and clear understanding, whereas I am of no importance and have little wisdom, it is not suitable for you to request advice from me. However because you dear friends, whom I cherish from my heart, have requested me, I shall give you this essential advice from my inferior and childish mind”.

It continues rather lengthily so follow the link if you wish to! I am not advising you, you understand you have to make your own mind up.

http://www.meditateinlondon.org.uk/buddhist-quote.php?gclid=CIKr37OnuKsCFYMPfAodWEDAeg

The list of how to get it right in every given situation is probably endless, as long as a lifetime of mistakes can be. What can I say to a friend who’s feeling lost and wants my advice, to help them through a difficult time, or what can I say to a loved one who is heading for danger if their attention is not focussed on the possible outcome? If I can honestly detach myself from my ego and be a true friend I think I would say something. It is not in my nature to stand back, but it must be measured and considered advice, because sometimes people do know best for themselves. The best I can do is offer a quiet time for my friend to reflect. Prevent any immediate danger or harm to them and suggest they consider the problem objectively and think what they would say to a friend who was facing the same difficulty. Above all I would urge them to be kind and forgiving to themselves, be their own best friend.

We all fail and we all feel hopeless at some point, at the lowest look to yourself to be your own guardian angel, follow the link below to see the clip of Billy Joel singing “You’re Only Human” for inspiration.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2dnej_billy-joel-you-re-only-human_music#rel-page-1

Alison x